present day.

[present day]

on friday night, the 22 of december, my brother was taken by an ambulance to the university hospital in london, ont. Right before we were about to eat lasagna for dinner, which i made specially for him, he lost the feeling in his left arm. When asked, he told me it felt as though he had fallen asleep on it and had lost all the feeling, but he hadn't been leaning on it. By the time he left, he said he could touch his fingers together and he could feel them a bit, but his speech that had been rapidly getting better, suddenly had worsened and I couldn't tell what he was trying to say. My mom & dad took him to the ER and I sat at the house waiting for the dog to show up. I couldn't get a hold of any of my friends and it was rather a lonely evening.

At around 9pm they showed up to the house minus my brother who they told me was being taken by the ambulance I mentioned. They were rushing to get out of the door, and asked me to stay behind because they didn't know what was going on in london or how late they would be there to. So I stayed with my brothers cell on me so I could go out and waited and waited.

I went out to paddy's to get a pint to cool off and to see my friend and his band play. I read margaret atwood and e.e. cummings while I waited for them to finish their set. impatiently I waited for my parents to call to at least tell me that they had arrived in london safely. Finally around 12, I got the call that they had at least made it there and they were going in to find out what was wrong.

Eventually I left the bar because my friends margaret & e.e. were getting a little boring and I was too upset to be in such a busy place. On the walk home, I met two guys who were trying to ride their bicycles down the hill at centennial. I told them they might kill themselves doing that, and they walked me half the way home.

When I got back I was up until 4, with my parents finally arriving back from london at 6am. I only vaguely remember them walking in and moving the dog off of me as we were both snuggled up on the couch.

After that I found it hard to fall asleep. I had fitful dreams about my brother and my family, amongst other things. At around 10 my parents re-awoke and by ten they were on the road again. I got the feeling they didn't want me to come because if I don't have a lot of information about something, scientific information, then I sort of lose my shit on the doctors to put in a polite way.

When they arrived they called back and told me that my brother most likely, after countless mri's and different neuro-radiologists looking at them, was deemed having an infection at the site of where the brain tumor was in his brain. His face had swollen up from the infection they said & he wasn't doing very well at all.

Yesterday I made the journey down with my parents. He seemed to be in good spirits, but his speech was still a problem and the infection seemed still present even though he was hooked up to antibiotics through his IV. We brought him is ipod and some books, something for him to do. I can only imagine the boredom of lying in a bed like that all day.

The neuro-radiologist from the university hospital will be reading his MRI today and determining if he might be able to come home for christmas and we could set the IV up here and a nurse would come and administer the antibiotics, or if the infection has decreased substantially, then he might be able to take pills. If it is an infection for sure.

This is all rather shocking considering the afternoon before he was taken back to the hospital we watched august rush [his choice] together while I worked on the zine on the living room floor. He seemed to be doing so well.

but as I said before, [even though you have yet to read that portion yet as it isn't written down], he was let out of the hospital far too early after such a major operation and he wasn't monitored properly. The health care system does not look after the people who feed the money it. I'm only grateful we have a system at all because without it, my brother wouldn't have been able to have the three operations that saved his life, nor would he be receiving care now.

but, you still have to pay for the ambulance ride.

[end of present day- monday 811 am]